My partner, Gary, has graciously given me permission to share this poem, which he wrote early in our relationship. It's a poem we return to, checking in with each other when we can tell something feels a little off. Or stumbling to find a graceful way to open a difficult conversation.
In the beginning we created a common goal: open communication. If something's up, say so. If you're wondering if something's up, ask. Clear the air quickly and kindly so the residue of resentment doesn't lay down layer after layer.
This poem articulates our intention, and lends us language. "Love, is our pan clean?" or "I need to get something off my chest to keep the pan clean."
May the nourishment continue.
dirty pan clean
fresh pan
cooking delicious food
healthy output
fresh surface
easy to clean afterward
no residue
all it takes is once
slight burn
overcook
animal fat and grease
a layer takes hold
elbow grease
lots of hot water and soap
scrubbing and scrubbing
got to break that layer free
right away
if it is let to sit
even for a night
it will set in deep
become a part of the pan
all subsequent cookings
slightly less sweet
the pan prone
to more layers
grabbing onto the first
before long
there is a thick wall
of old work undone
lining the pan
useless
ready to be replaced
for the work needed to restore it
is greater than the worth of the pan
diligent one must be
never put a pan away dirty
not even the slightest bit
ensure every nook
and corner
and cranny
is completely pristine
tell me everything
my love
leave no stone unturned
—Gary B. Genett
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